i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
