I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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