don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I met the friendliest cop last night
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
