they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
