I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
