she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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