Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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