My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
