youre lurking in front of me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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