i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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