my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
