Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
