I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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