how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We have started to decorate penises.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
