Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
