I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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