look no pants
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
