Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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