He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
