i barfeds in our rink
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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