i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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