My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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