There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
