that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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