where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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