google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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