can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
