if i died would you start the facebook group?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
