Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
