I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
