so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
