Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
