remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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