Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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