How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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