I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
