fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
