South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize