I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
