i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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