I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
