so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
