we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
