at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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