He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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