Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
