I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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