Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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