Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
