I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
