Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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