Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
