There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I party with great urgency now.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
