You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize