chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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