after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
