why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
