When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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