I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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