just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
