Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
