i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
