Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
