Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize