genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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