I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
