so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
