he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
