Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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