We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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