i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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