I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'd cum for enchiladas.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
