It was confusing and full of hummus
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
